By Abodunrin Temiloluwa
Can two walk together except they agreed? It’s a question that must be answered between two partners either as a business associate or in any sort of friendship. This is a life principle that as been in existence since the time past. The rule of partnership is an agreement, an agreement not to violate the values and ethics of their friendship.
Values are principles or standard of behavior or one’s judgement of what’s is important in life. It is a regard that something is held in high esteem because of it importance, worth and usefulness. So many things that had been held in high esteem in the society are no longer relevant. They are now tagged “old school.” The problems of the world is an associate to the people’s lawlessness. It’s not enough to pray and evangelise Christ. Even the Bible says faith without work is death.
I am not supporting the youths but adults this days make everything seem as though we are making the biggest mistake of our lives so to say we would meet them for advise is “overrated”. Then, we succumb ourselves to “Google” and it human friend “our peers”. Whereas the law of mentorship states that “one must assume the position of a teacher and the other a student”. Is it then right that I see my friend as a teacher of mine? With what qualifications and experience?
As youth, we find the world extremely puzzling so to navigate through this puzzles, although bewildered, we tend to ask a lot of questions. It’s annoying but yes we need it. As much as we find it displeasing and disgusting as parents when we find out that our fifteen or sixteen years old teen searched “about sex”. It’s needful. The absolute curiosity and complexity of life is the cause. “Not all of us yaf spoiled”. But the fear of asking the parents because they would go “haywire” makes everything a secret. An average teen has tons of secret that they wish would never see the broad daylight.
Yes, African parents no longer tells us that we would get impregnated if “touched” when we hit puberty because they see that this thing is not working, instead, they instill more fears into us. They tell their supposed truth plain and cold “if you have sex, you will get pregnant. As if that wasn’t enough, they will bring our education into it knowing full well that we are all plagued with the “demon of academia”.
Responsible parenting is a thing of the past. Africans no longer cares. Every parents that boastfully say that their kids are well taken care of are only by virtues and features of fears shielding them from the cruelty of the world they themselves are not protected from. They are making up for the mistake of their parents in the lives of their young ones. It’s a misplaced priority that started from their single years ” my father didn’t send me to school, my kids must attain all levels of Education”. If not why can’t they leave us to live our lives?
When Jesus was done with the disciples, he sent them out because his sole purpose is “continuity”. What legacy are the parents laying down for their children to follow. No parents can leave their kids even after they’ve got married. The time where everything they’ve learnt as a child ought to surface to attain bigger, better and brighter life. Generations after generations are producing “faulty parents”.
We celebrate matriculations, convocations, wedding and little achievements and become proud of ourselves. “My child is doing well whereas moral decadence is the order of the day. The greatest achievement in the world is to train a child in a way that you will feel utmost peace and serenity about the child. Like that, the world will stop producing nuisance. Check within you, over that son or daughter of yours, do you feel at peace that you can leave them to themselves at any day and at any time?
Many parents have something they held in high esteem, they have vision and have made plans on how perfect their family will be. Nigeria for example is full of people who held morals in high esteem because whether we like it or not, our origins have ways of affecting and influencing us. I.e, we are a product of our background. But upon the arrival of the kids, a pattern began to surface, like a very thin line, barely noticeable, it keeps drawing them away from their kids. A new fear is being produced, the husband who had always been a “honey” will now become a sugar that when taken excessively will cause”pile”. The mother especially see the child as her responsibility, when he or she began to grow, it became the father’s. This is the first fundamental problem. There’s a detachment. That’s why you nag and complain about everything the child does because you felt you are doing him/her a favour by always been there.
Fretting when the child is in danger, feeding, clothing and paying the child’s fee although all these are good, it as been used to cover up proper parenting. Just like engagement in religious activities doesn’t make you a Christian, feeding and clothing a child will not make you a good parent.
You’ve ever wonder why your decent teen will leave home and come back retarded with a lot of junks?? It isn’t their lack of cares but because the parents refused to check the fundamental problems. A house whose foundation is solid is very easy to renovate but when a house’s foundation is weak and faulty, it has to be uprooted before proper planning. If it’s been manage, it will collapse on top of it owner some day.When a child wants to leave home to face the world, I think the parents should adopt the ancient Sparta ways of life. There’s a saying that Spartan parents owed their children one thing, the shield and upon handling the military tool, they would say “Go and return with it or on it”. What does this tense saying means? It signifies that the parent is sending off their child in to the world of cruelty with the shield to protect himself against all sorts of attacks and that he should either return in victory with the shield or be brought home dead on it.
When a child leaves home, on his or her arrival back home, he must gain weights. His upbringing and knowledge gained from the outside world should reflect and add outstanding values to him. But the reverse is the case, we often leave home hardworking and diligent but come back home to boss our younger ones around, if that’s not possible, we come back to dictate to our parents.
Nowadays, people knows the price of everything but the value of nothing. Jude 1:21 says ” keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. Seeking the mercy of God is the secret here. We must continually and consistently search for the mercy of God. The problem with most of us is that we have looked but we ain’t seeing. It’s essential to know that the world isn’t in our favour, the earlier we come in term with that, the better. we must work out the best for ourselves.
I am very sure God will ask each and every parents on how they mentor their kids because kids are born through them but not for them. “afunto ni omo”. Just like our talent is our God given abilities that must be used in godly ways to produce effective results, in the same stance, children are God’s gifts that must be nurtured, cultured and mentored. It’s hopeless how people strive and toil day and night just to see themselves be the best in their careers and other life adventures but when it comes to taking care of their young ones, they sleep and even snore. How will a drowsy sailor sail a ship across the river without drowning?? It’s a parent responsibility to watch their kids with eyes wide open.
Every parent must have an entrepreneur’s mindset. A good entrepreneur put all into his business. He manages risk and maximize profits. As much as there will be time of loss which is inevitable, it mustn’t dominant the business to avoid break down.” A closed business is a disgrace to it owner your excuse not withstanding”. Where are the business plans? What are your goals and aspirations? What are the alternatives to your business?? And most importantly what people don’t remember to do. What are the fun activities that has been put in place for time of loss or breakdown so you won’t become depressive? All this things should be noted to have a successful life.
Parents must work hand in hand with their children to have a balanced growth. Surprise birthdays are lovely but sometimes surprise prayer in the middle of the night as a long way to go. The world is full of surprises and we go with the flow knowing full well there’s nothing we can do about it. We might grumble and murmur about life but we can’t change it so grumbling and murmuring during night prayers is nothing. “Consistency forms habits”. When it is done at all times, it will become a part of life.
As much as there are no awards anywhere in the world for the best parents, responsible parenting is an individual achievements that must not be taken with levity. So being your child’s best friend and companion is the best thing that can help in this situation.
We ain’t too young to be friends.
Abodunrin Temiloluwa is a Public Affairs Analyst.